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A statement of fact

I’ve just had a rather bizarre conversation with a man of the cloth. In he walks to the cinema wearing his dog collar, stinking of booze and wishing to use our toilet. Having used our facilities he asked me which pub I thought he should visit next as he was looking to offend people. He told me it was his day off but he still wore the collar because it was a part of who he was.

He seemed very keen on telling me statements of fact. “Statement of fact. Even though I wear this collar I’m no different from you. I urinate. I defecate and occasionally I even fornicate.” Also he liked to drink gin.

I think he may have been having a crisis of faith as he seemed to be very cynical about the world and he couldn’t tolerate liars. He told me that he thought people could do whatever they wished within reason as long as they didn’t lie about it. This is a philosophy that I share to an extent.

The most bizarre thing happened as he was leaving to go to the pub I recommended. We shook hands and I told him it was nice to have met him as it was break from the monotony of the day by having a real conversation with someone. He asked me what movies we were playing and he said that he’d see me exactly one week from now and pay me ten pounds for every person that had just watched King Arthur who then stuck their fingers up at me. But he’d only pay me if I didn’t lie to him next time I met him.

The surrealness of the whole experience makes me think that things weren’t quite how they seemed. At first I thought he might not really be a clergyman, it crossed my mind that he might be an actor. Later I became convinced that he was real but may have been suffering a ‘crisis of faith’. Now, one hour on from the experience I’m having doubts about whether he was even human.

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By Matt Wharton

Matt Wharton is a dad, vlogger and IT Infrastructure Consultant. He was also in a former life a cinema manager.

Blogging here and at mattwharton.co.uk

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