Vote Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka for mayor
#1: 5937% rise in dense, fog-like air pollution from the flesh skinning factory below the Silent Hill Historical Society. First of all, I feel Mayor Barkley owes all citizens an explanation as to why he ever agreed to award Murderous Blackened Soul Decay Ltd. a business license allowing them to operate directly beneath the Historical Society. Their business has been pumping countless cubic tons of thick white fog into our town, dramatically reducing visibility and complicating travel of any kind!
Why just yesterday I found myself lost while walking to my own mailbox! After walking for three hours, I eventually realized the pollution had turned me completely around, and I was standing in the middle of the dead field full of cancerous pulsating beasts who shriek eternal murder through their dead, vacant eyes. Remember Ed Barkley’s campaign promise to – and I quote here – “remove all cancerous pulsating beasts who shriek eternal murder through their dead, vacant eyes and replace them with festive non-denominational holiday decorations”? What exactly happened to that promise, Ed?
Although not a resident of Silent Hill I have visited it on many an occasion and it is quite ludicrous the amount of urban decay that has been allowed to occur there turning what was once a beautiful vacation spot for the family and I into what is quite literally a hellhole.
I dearly hope that the citizens of Silent Hill see sense and vote in Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka so that I may return to that once-fair town.
