so I am quoting some of my favourite stuff from Barbelith. I love this bit of fictional David Niven biography written by Mr. Bizunth Mutters ‘INRI’ in the thread appropriately known as Fictional Biography.
I always remember an incident that grew up from an argument between David and his friend Pol Pot (Not the dictator). The two fellows had been drinking cauliflower schnapps at a knees-up in the Bigotry Club on Pall Mall to celebrate the release of David’s latest film The Most Basic of Instincts and had got into an argument regarding the comportment of Lord Nelson. Pol insisted that the statue of Nelson in Trafalgar Square showed him exposing his ‘lad’, as he was too high up for anyone but pigeons to see. All official photographs were of a non-obscene scale model kept deep within Whitehall. David poohpoohed the idea, insisting there was no way a hero like Nelson would have permitted his todger to be rendered in stone. As the argument grew more heated the two men set off for the column with an entorage of drunken hangers-on( myself included), having first raided the lost property for mountaineering equipment. As the party charged towards the column the potent effects of the schnapps kicked in and one by one we passed out in the gutters.
On awaking the next day, somehow all back in our beds, we were mildly shocked to find that Pol had died in the night. David never revealed what had happened once they reached the column, but ten years later, drunk on another bottle of that schnapps, he showed me the suppressed autopsy that revealed Pol had died after being pecked by a duck whose beak was laced with Curare, the preferred assassination technique of The Freemasons. When I asked him if he had seen Nelson’s most private of parts he fixed me with a glassy, terrified stare and said only ‘There are more things in heaven and earth… Horatio.”
