Labels: humour
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Blasphemy is Teh Funneh
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 4:36 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
Prince Charles adopts...
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 6:20 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Tao of Ralph Wiggum
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:50 PM
The throwaway line "Oh, boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!" uttered by the character Ralph Wiggum in The Simpsons has caused unholy debate on the internet lately.
Does he mean, or perhaps more specifically what did The Simpsons' writers intend the meaning to be?
A) That he has an enjoyable recurring dream in which he is a Scandinavian warrior.
or
B) That he excels at sleeping.
The debate on this topic at Metafilter outshines all others out there. Especially the following comment posted by fleetmouse.
Does he mean, or perhaps more specifically what did The Simpsons' writers intend the meaning to be?
A) That he has an enjoyable recurring dream in which he is a Scandinavian warrior.
or
B) That he excels at sleeping.
The debate on this topic at Metafilter outshines all others out there. Especially the following comment posted by fleetmouse.
English is a flexible, nimble, shifting-pathogen language and is more than able to absorb that slight stretch of a figure of speechI love this metaphor for the English language.
Yes, exactly - which is why people are arguing about this in the first place - we're used to this goddamn inexterminable cockroach of a language having umpteen layers of literal and figurative meaning.
God, I love the Frankenstein's monster that is English. Sewn together out of dead languages and living ones that it kills and uses for spare parts. If the human race were exterminated, English would find a new host or wait for one to evolve. English does not sleep. It waits.
Labels: humour
Sunday, June 03, 2007
LOLHURLEY
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 12:38 PM
Saturday, June 02, 2007
The superposition of LOLCats
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:21 PM
Friday, April 27, 2007
Is it April or August?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 10:06 PM
Not only have we been experiencing summer like weather the past couple of weeks (Met office reports it to be the hottest April on record) but we've had a number of news stories more suited to the summer months when we get a slew of unusual stories on slow news days.
Some enterprising company has been conning thousands of wealthy Japanese ladies into believing lambs were valuable miniature poodles.
Some enterprising company has been conning thousands of wealthy Japanese ladies into believing lambs were valuable miniature poodles.
The bizarre scam was rumbled when Japanese movie star Maiko Kawakami complained on a talk show that her new poodle refused to bark or eat dog food.And a schoolteacher from Haverfordwest was tricked into having sex with a Syrian-born airline pilot who told her that he could cure a rash that she had through the method of administering it vaginally on the end of his penis.
She showed photos of the animal and was devastated when told that it was a lamb.
The teacher put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor.Two very bewildering stories.
Labels: humour
Thursday, March 08, 2007
We're bachelors, baby.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:23 PM
Barfield
Starts off very one note then gets boring then becomes NSFW and ends sublimely.
Starts off very one note then gets boring then becomes NSFW and ends sublimely.
Labels: humour
Thursday, March 01, 2007
What would Richard Feyman do?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 4:33 PM
This looks like a job for Super... Ok, maybe not.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 4:27 PM
What was already a strange new story about a woman crashing her car into a DMV office that she'd been summoned to in order to take her driving test is pushed over the edge into the truly wonderfully bizarre by the following line.
Inexplicably, a man in a Superman costume could be seen walking around the car, but he did not stop to help the driver or any of the victims.I guess there was a more critical emergency he had to attend to at that moment like a collapsing dam or something.
Labels: humour
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Top Gear comedy special
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:32 PM
Tonight's episode (well last Sunday's really but I was at work so watched this evening's repeat) of Top Gear has to be the comedy classic of the year. Firstly we have Hugh Grant discussing his testicles and then we had the Top Gear team trying to sell a trio of art experts on the artistic merits of their chosen Coupe.
James May went first with the Alfa Romeo Brera and had to be asked to leave after he rambled boringly on at length. Jeremy Clarkson had the Audi TT and waffled on about Bauhaus and then threw in random artisitic movements such as cubism that made no sense, and the Mazda RX-8 was taken by Richard Hammond who somehow made even more of a hash of his pitch than did May or Clarkson.
Bemusement level of art experts. Extreme. Guffaws by myself. Too numerous to count.
James May went first with the Alfa Romeo Brera and had to be asked to leave after he rambled boringly on at length. Jeremy Clarkson had the Audi TT and waffled on about Bauhaus and then threw in random artisitic movements such as cubism that made no sense, and the Mazda RX-8 was taken by Richard Hammond who somehow made even more of a hash of his pitch than did May or Clarkson.
Bemusement level of art experts. Extreme. Guffaws by myself. Too numerous to count.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tickle Me Elmo On Fire
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:32 PM
This is well bloody disturbing. His raucous laughter in this context seem like the pitiful screams of a tortured soul. [via]
Labels: humour
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Real men Wii standing up.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 7:59 PM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tell me about the rabbits, George!
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:02 PM
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Jesus Loves Porn Stars
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:04 PM
Friday, November 24, 2006
Would the real Brian Atene please stand up.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 5:59 PM
First there was the audition tape and then there was the dubious return of Brian Atene and now finally the real Atene has returned.
He seems like a decent if slightly odd fellow and I do hope that his new found fame does allow him to help The Christopher Reeve Foundation in the way he wishes, my own order for the Superman dog tags in aid of The Christopher Reeve Foundation has gone in.
I agree with Geekhorde at Metafilter that he would make a good voice actor.
He seems like a decent if slightly odd fellow and I do hope that his new found fame does allow him to help The Christopher Reeve Foundation in the way he wishes, my own order for the Superman dog tags in aid of The Christopher Reeve Foundation has gone in.
I agree with Geekhorde at Metafilter that he would make a good voice actor.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Funny haha or funny peculiar?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 10:05 PM
BBC News: Is this the perfect comedy face?
But then I do have a fondness for serial killer humour, I just didn't know everyone else did too.
Scientists have used computer software to come up with what they say is the perfect comedy face.I don't know about you but the guy in the computer generated photo looks more like a serial killer than a comedian to me.
The University of Stirling team blended together 179 different facial aspects of 20 top comedians.
They said soft and feminine features, typified by Ricky Gervais, were more likely to make people laugh.
But then I do have a fondness for serial killer humour, I just didn't know everyone else did too.
Labels: humour
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Dudes already know about chickens.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 7:05 PM
Who knew that chickens could be such a controversial topic?
Ryan North that's who. But he believes in fictional Jimmy Wales so his judgement is suspect especially given he's the source of the latest bout of controversial chicken chicanery.
And still no mention in Wikipedia's Chicken topic of the little-known phenomena of a chick armed with a revolver, shotgun or a bazooka.
Ryan North that's who. But he believes in fictional Jimmy Wales so his judgement is suspect especially given he's the source of the latest bout of controversial chicken chicanery.
And still no mention in Wikipedia's Chicken topic of the little-known phenomena of a chick armed with a revolver, shotgun or a bazooka.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Baby, but smack it.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 6:49 PM
This has become ever more appropriate since when it was originally broadcast.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Use rear entrance
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:55 PM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I cooked it for the full hour
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:41 PM
Why is it that this line from the movie Severance is tuck in my forebrain?
Also why the fuck did I buy the game Fight Club for my Xbox? Even if it was only £3.97 it still feels like I overpaid for it.
Also why the fuck did I buy the game Fight Club for my Xbox? Even if it was only £3.97 it still feels like I overpaid for it.
Agoraphobia comedy?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:35 PM
Whilst borosing through IMDB I discovered this little movie in production with the most awesome concept since Snakes on a Plane.
Scared Guys
Scared Guys
Two guys try to race to the police station to report a murder, but must confront their fear of leaving their apartment.Not one, but two agoraphobics, now that's genius.
Labels: humour
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Four weird things I witnessed today, I've a feeling there was more though.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:54 PM
Very weird day I've had today, in which I saw four bizarre things.
Three of the things I saw in the city of Bath and one was in the Market Place of my home town of Devizes.
I got to Bath and had to post a letter before I started work and so went via the Post Office outside of which stood an ant. I say stood because this ant was over five foot tall, they never looked that big in the adverts. I think it was trying to sell credit cards as the woman behind the counter tried to sign me up for one also. Nearby to the ant was a man curled up asleep in the unused second entrance to the Post Office.
Got to work and started my unofficial role as a tourist information worker directing people in pop in to enquire where the Thermae Bath Spa is located. Fuck knows how they miss it as it is diagonally opposite the cinema and is the massive glass fronted building in a street of stone Georgian buildings and has fucking queues of tourists waiting to go in. Anyway one of these lost tourists was a Japanese Texan, he was chewing on a toothpick as he approached me and I thought that in itself was a little odd but when he opened his mouth to speak and out came this Texan accent I was kinda gobsmacked. There may well be tens of thousands of Japanese Texans I've no idea but it was a surprise to me to meet one.
The third thing I witnessed at 11pm on my way back to my car to drive home. I saw two horses on the pavement of Great Pulteney street which is a large street just outside the city centre. They had no saddles or bridles and with them was an elderly couple and a small group of about 5 teenagers. As I got closer I noticed a police car but no sign of any police officers. It looked like the horses had escaped from somewhere but I can't think where, perhaps they got out of a horse box and ran off from their owners.
Then finally driving through the Market Place of Devizes I saw a bloke stumbling drunkenly along the pavement with a bag of chips, the weird thing is that this guy looked exactly like Sloth from The Goonies.
Three of the things I saw in the city of Bath and one was in the Market Place of my home town of Devizes.
I got to Bath and had to post a letter before I started work and so went via the Post Office outside of which stood an ant. I say stood because this ant was over five foot tall, they never looked that big in the adverts. I think it was trying to sell credit cards as the woman behind the counter tried to sign me up for one also. Nearby to the ant was a man curled up asleep in the unused second entrance to the Post Office.
Got to work and started my unofficial role as a tourist information worker directing people in pop in to enquire where the Thermae Bath Spa is located. Fuck knows how they miss it as it is diagonally opposite the cinema and is the massive glass fronted building in a street of stone Georgian buildings and has fucking queues of tourists waiting to go in. Anyway one of these lost tourists was a Japanese Texan, he was chewing on a toothpick as he approached me and I thought that in itself was a little odd but when he opened his mouth to speak and out came this Texan accent I was kinda gobsmacked. There may well be tens of thousands of Japanese Texans I've no idea but it was a surprise to me to meet one.
The third thing I witnessed at 11pm on my way back to my car to drive home. I saw two horses on the pavement of Great Pulteney street which is a large street just outside the city centre. They had no saddles or bridles and with them was an elderly couple and a small group of about 5 teenagers. As I got closer I noticed a police car but no sign of any police officers. It looked like the horses had escaped from somewhere but I can't think where, perhaps they got out of a horse box and ran off from their owners.
Then finally driving through the Market Place of Devizes I saw a bloke stumbling drunkenly along the pavement with a bag of chips, the weird thing is that this guy looked exactly like Sloth from The Goonies.
Labels: humour
Monday, August 28, 2006
Photographing Squirrels
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:27 PM
Photographing Squirrels
Barley Squirrel Lines Up A Shot
Originally uploaded by SQUIRREL400.
Real wild Squirrels with real vintage cameras.Bizarre but fantastic.
No computer editing on any of the shots.
Barley Squirrel Lines Up A Shot
Originally uploaded by SQUIRREL400.
Labels: humour
What you see is what you get.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:21 PM
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Two heads are better than one.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 9:16 PM
Unless like this man from Uttar Pradesh you wish to enjoy your honeymoon.
And of course there is a Wikipedia article about this man's rare condition.
And of course there is a Wikipedia article about this man's rare condition.
Labels: humour
Friday, August 18, 2006
Peter Sellers: Man of accents
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 10:23 AM
The ever-changing accent of Peter Sellers as he travels round London and the British Isles transitioning from one to another. [via]
Were these signwriters taking the piss?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 10:13 AM
Welsh cyclists were left confused by a bilingual road sign telling them they had problems with an inflamed bladder.
I'm glad that there wasn't as it does make for a very funny story.
The "cyclists dismount" sign between Penarth and Cardiff became "llid y bledren dymchwelyd" in Welsh - literally "bladder inflammation upset" (or tip or overturn).Was there no Welsh speakers at all in the department that created the sign?
The Vale of Glamorgan Council said new signs were being made.
It is possible that an online translation led to confusion between cyclists and cystitis.
I'm glad that there wasn't as it does make for a very funny story.
Labels: humour
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Bruce Schneier is computationally infeasible.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 10:24 AM
Things you might not know about Bruce Schneier
Via Mr Schneier himself.
Via Mr Schneier himself.
Labels: Computer security, cryptography, humour
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Camelot
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 7:36 PM
Friday, July 21, 2006
World Jump Day
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:33 PM
I'm quite sorry to learn that I missed out on World Jump Day which was yesterday July 20th.
It seems that they managed to get the required 600 million jumpers with several hundred thousand to spare, quite an achievement given that the last time I looked they were still a few hundred million shy of that figure.
It seems that they managed to get the required 600 million jumpers with several hundred thousand to spare, quite an achievement given that the last time I looked they were still a few hundred million shy of that figure.
Labels: humour
Chad Vader - Day shift manager
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 12:30 PM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Will I ever stop feeling like this?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 7:31 PM
xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language - COMPLY
It's one of my favourite webcomics and even better it's Creative Commons licensed.
Permalink for the above comic page is http://xkcd.com/c128.html
Edit: The latest one is quite appropriate given the current heatwave in Britain.
It's one of my favourite webcomics and even better it's Creative Commons licensed.
Permalink for the above comic page is http://xkcd.com/c128.html
Edit: The latest one is quite appropriate given the current heatwave in Britain.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Linkbunnies' musings on paedophilia cafes
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 7:58 PM
A sick but very funny response by the guys at the linkbunnies.org blog to the news that a Dutch court has turned down a request to ban a Paedophile Political Party.
Labels: humour
Monday, July 10, 2006
How to spot a Jap.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:58 PM
It really was a golden age that era when US army manuals could be uncompromisingly racist all in the name of killing the right kind of oriental.
Labels: humour
Sunday, July 09, 2006
This song is not a rebel song
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 12:23 PM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
What? But I only suffocated the one child.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:49 AM
From a children's classic that I loved as a child to a classic piece of literature and one of my favourite novels as an adult The Count of Monte Cristo.
Jay Pinkerton has reimagined the tale of a man wronged who then takes his revenge into a tale of delicious black humour in his Classics Desecrated online comic series.
Jay Pinkerton has reimagined the tale of a man wronged who then takes his revenge into a tale of delicious black humour in his Classics Desecrated online comic series.
Labels: humour
Saturday, July 01, 2006
How to field dress a unicorn.
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 8:40 PM
They are a rare sight but when hunting deer you might just stumble across a unicorn.
Should you wish to bag such a beast then this handy guide will instruct you on the proper way to kill and field dress a unicorn. It's fully of hints such as:-
Should you wish to bag such a beast then this handy guide will instruct you on the proper way to kill and field dress a unicorn. It's fully of hints such as:-
When you find a unicorn you've shot, don't get all excited and run over to touch. The first rule is that unicorns are tricky bitches and often fake death just to lure you within impaling range.I'm sure you'll find this guide as indispensable as I have.
Careful! Fish and Game wardens won't be thrilled if they see you dragging a unicorn home so conceal your kill as best you can (flat-bed camoflauge pick-ups work best).
Don't drape your unicorn over the hood of your vehicle though - the heat from the motor will spoil the meat.
Labels: humour
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Who in the hell is Matt?
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:54 PM
He's that guy who dances on the internet.
No, not that guy. The other one.
No, not him either.
Sod it just go visit the site. It's funny.
No, not that guy. The other one.
No, not him either.
Sod it just go visit the site. It's funny.
Labels: humour
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Dumb internet fun
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 5:44 PM
Animation. Starts slowly but builds to an awesome climax.
Series of starnge photos of a Golden Retriver.
Series of starnge photos of a Golden Retriver.
Labels: humour
Thursday, June 01, 2006
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 1:11 AM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
YouTube: Neo Vs. Robocop
&bull posted by Matt Wharton @ 11:08 PM
