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The Doctor dropped the bombshell that he was once a dad during tonight's episode of Doctor Who.

I guess this is an allusion to the fact that he had a granddaughter named Susan in the William Hartnell episodes of the TV series and in the Doctor Who movies that starred Peter Cushing.

So it follows that if he has a granddaughter then he must at one time have had a child. The subject of whether he has sex is one that has been alluded to but never really expanded upon and as what is a family show it probably never will.

However I have an alternate theory to explain the existence of a granddaughter, especially given that she appears to be human rather than Gallifreyan. She may in fact be the daughter of a human that The Doctor picked up and adopted as his child much in the same way that Death adopted a child in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of books.

Coincidentally the name of Death's granddaughter is Susan.

Labels: Sex, TV

The English are asymmetrical along the body, meaning that the left part is not a mirror image of the right. They do not have hardened exoskeletons, which results in horrible skin conditions. They breathe via their lungs through their permanently flared nostrils.

Their bodies can be classified into three major parts: head, abdomen and limbs. The limbs, one pair each of legs and arms, attach directly to the head. The Queen is responsible for laying the thousands of eggs required for replacing workers lost in Iraq. The number of males is generally low because only one male is needed for the entire reproductive process. Despite this, all English people, regardless of sex, are referred to as Englishmen.

Contrary to what most people believe, the English do not bite. They use their jaws to anchor themselves and then, using their strong mandibles to attach themselves to their food, they tear at it with their limbs. As a result the average Englishmen is in severe need of dental hygiene. They have yet to discover the scientific technology known as orthodontics, steadfastly insisting that cosmetic surgery is only for prostitutes.

Labels: Sex

CNN News: Judge says sex offender too short for prison

Prosecutor vows to appeal 10-year probationary sentence

A judge's decision to sentence a 5-foot-1 man to probation instead of prison for sexually assaulting a child has angered crime victim advocates who say the punishment sends the wrong message.

But supporters of short people say it's about time someone recognizes the unique challenges they face.

What the fucking fuck? Too short for prison! He fucking sexually assaulted a 12 year old.

Truly fucking astonishing that anybody would see this was an issue to offer their support to. Short people probably do face challenges in their life but they're not alone in facing challenges so do a lot of people but you don't see them escaping jail terms.

I'm sure he wouldn't face more of a challenge than other child molesters that are imprisoned as regular inmates don't look favourably on 'nonces' be they tall, short or whatever.

Labels: Sex

At a time when we're told by the industry that the average gamers are pushing 30 rather than 13 how is it that a pair of bare naked breasts and the thought of hardcore sex got more people riled up about Grand Theft Auto than the fact that is one of the most reprehensively violent games out there?

read more | digg story

Labels: Digg, Games, Sex

I think the sexual predators have more to fear of the MySpace generation of kids than vice versa these days.

Boys’ MySpace prank results in sex crime arrest
Man allegedly tried to meet fictitious 15-year-old girl for sex

Labels: Sex

But on closer inspection the story isn't as ridiculous as it might first appear.

Richardson County District Judge Daniel Bryan, in sentencing Matthew Koso, 23, of Falls City, Nebraska, said the criminal law in the case was "very plain and direct."

Koso's wife Crystal is only 15 years of age and though the marriage was legal in Kansas with her mother's consent Nebraska law forbids sexual relations between adults 19 and older and children under 16. The chief piece of evidence was the couple's daughter.

I'm troubled by this especially considering that they started their relationship when she was allegedly only 12 years old and clearly a child in comparison to his age which at that time would have been 20.

He crossed a line that he shouldn't have but when her mother gave consent for the marriage then his transgression was ratified by the family and subsequently by Kansas law. Even so I have to wonder if anything is served by imprisoning him, perhaps only as an example for others. What the outcome of this should be is changes to Kansas law to make it clear that such relationships are wrong.

Labels: Sex

The Last 1,000 Pixels on MillionDollarHomepage.com were auctioned off on eBay and sold for the whopping sum of $38,100.

The winning bid was made by Great Deals Depot who seems to be sellers of sex toys and other sexual aids.

I think they have paid way over the odds and unless they come up with some truly eye-catching 20x50 graphic their advert is going to get lost amongst all the others.

I think the whole concept was an amazing idea and those advertisers who bought at the price of a dollar a pixel and have a well chosen graphic will get a decent return on their investment as the website has gotten a lot of press coverage and therefore attracted many visitors. Whether that level of traffic can be sustained who knows but I think that it will pay off for some of the advertisers as well as Alex Tew the owner of the MillionDollarHomepage.

Great piece of marketing again to auction off the last 1000 pixels as that in itself has probably gained a ton of media coverage on top of the previous coverage of the site.

Labels: Sex

Five's version of the celebrity reality show format The Farm returned to our screens last night. I always try to avoid watching programmes like this but often I'm drawn in against my will.

Quite by accident whilst flicking through tv channels I caught a part of the first show where they introduced all the 'celebrities' and amongst the usual has-beens and nobodies was a face I never expected to see, Mr. Ron Jeremy, Porn Star.

I've been fascinated by him since I watched the documentary Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, not the best looking guy in porn by a long shot but he seemed like a genuinely nice guy and in many ways a kind of tragic figure as well.

Now a farmhand on this reality show Ron Jeremy met in many ways his pig equivalent.

The Farmhands were then introduced to The Farm’s resident boar, Nick.

"Nick has testicles and so he can be quite unpredictable," Jon said.

"So this guy gets to go with all those girls?" asked a visibly impressed Ron.

"The breeding sows get pregnant by artificial insemination," continued Ryan. "We do this so that we can introduce new blood to the breed," he told the porn star adding, "it’s not pretty, Ron."

Apparently Nick’s purpose on The Farm is mostly to act as a ‘teaser’- titillating the female pigs and getting them in the mood for love.

"He’s got a very strange demeanour this pig," Ryan informed. "He looks gormless. Mind you, you look like that if you have sex a lot," he concluded.

Labels: Sex

Last night I watched the crazy shit that was Dr Tatiana's Sex advice to all creation, the world's first science musical!

What could be more fascinating than copulating Honeybees exploding and kinky Dolphins that have sex with Turtles, not to mention the Sea Hares who form mating chains with each impregnating the creature in front.

Dear Dr Tatiana
I’m a queen bee, and I’m worried. All my lovers leave their genitals inside me and then drop dead. Is this normal?
Perplexed in Cloverhill

For your lovers, this is the way the world ends – with a bang, not a whimper. When a male honeybee reaches his climax, he explodes, his genitals ripped from his body with a loud snap. I can see why you find this unnerving. Why does this happen? Alas, Your Majesty, your lovers explode on purpose. By leaving their genitals inside you, they block you up. In doing so, each male hopes you will not be able to mate with another. In other words, his mutilated member is intended as the honeybee version of a chastity belt.

There's more to come tonight.

The tv show is based upon the book of the same name by Dr Tatiana aka Dr Olivia Judson of Imperial College London.

Labels: books, Sex

Zefrank's thoughts on Valentine's day.

We really should bring back festivals like Lupercalia. I wonder why the lashing of girls to ensure their fertility by boys with thongs cut from sacrificed goats went out of fashion. February 15th just ain't the same since this festival ceased to be celebrated.

Everyone’s having sex except you, well it certainly feels that way right now. I'm far too busy or perhaps I'm just to lazy to have a one night stand let alone a 'relationship' at the moment. Maybe I'll just have to daydream about whipping girls with bloody strips of goatflesh.

Labels: Sex

There is a sex offender living in Disneyland according to the graphic on this site.

Labels: Sex

wasting time surfing the interweb and avoiding actual work as I've been to the dentist and had a filling done and now the anaesthetic has worn off it has started to hurt.

I found a Porno snowman at William Gibson's blog and an office of employees on a couple of webcams Cam 1 Cam 2. I wonder who these people are.

Also I came across this list. BBC News: 100 things we didn't know this time last year

Some of my favourites include:

8. Brazilians are the nationality most likely to read spam. I smell an opportunity here, I wonder what Brazilians are likely to buy. Home waxing kits perhaps?

19. The collective noun for rhinos is "crash". Who comes up with these things? My favourite is a "murder" of crows, but then I am a bit of a morbid bastard.

38. Yoda was based on Albert Einstein. I don't see the resemblance. Stopped they must be; on this all depends. Only a fully-trained physicist, with relativity as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor.

45. There is a world record for being able to squirt liquids out of a human eye. The existing record is 8.7 feet (2.65m), but a Turkish man claims to have broken the record with a 9.2 feet (2.8m) squirt. With evidence such as this the creationists will be laughing on the other side of their faces. From only evolution could such a stupid phenomena have arisen.

63. Just one in a hundred workers goes to the pub for their lunch, according to a study. The same proportion spend lunch having sex. I really need a job that would allow this. Although spending my lunch break as a rent boy may have it's negative points also.

70. And reports of UFOs have dwindled since the late 1990s. In the UK, sightings have gone from about 30 a week to almost zero; it's a trend echoed in the US and Norway.

87. One gigabyte of information - about a quarter of the memory of an iPod mini - is the equivalent of a pick-up truck load of paper. This is so not true. I'm sure if I wrote small enough I could fit a gigabyte on a single piece of paper.

96. One in four 16- and 17-year-old girls in the UK is on the contraceptive pill - more than ever before. Good news I only need to use condoms with three of my four teenage girlfriends but which ones that's the tricky part. They're okay to fuck but have you ever tried talking to a 16 year old girl, sheesh.

Labels: Sex

It's the last day of November and like many a young man of my generation at this time of year my mind turns to the topic of sex and pornography.

Fortunately Fleshbot is on hand to sate my thirst for obscure news stories in the world of adult entertainment.

Condensed Letters to Penthouse Forum

Blowjob for sale at Target.com but at a price of only $9.99 it will take 4-8 weeks to come.

Film boss launches Irish porn revolution

An Open Letter To Porn

DOJ to crackdown on porn in 2005?

Labels: Sex

Crazy moment in the middle of the night where I was half awake/half asleep and unsure of where I was. I felt this uncertainty would have resulted in me having sex with someone who wasn't my girlfriend. If indeed I was with someone else which I wasn't and if I had a girlfriend which I don't. This makes no sense at all.

Labels: Sex

Let me just begin by stating how much I loathe Ulysses. I hate Stephen Dedalus. I hate Leopold Bloom. I hate Molly Bloom. I even hate their cat. They're all fatuous and arrogant and dull and dishonest and insecure and insincere and superficial and greedy, and they all take part in a story that's a boring, tedious, frustrating, incoherent, big fat waste of my time and energy. Anyone who claims otherwise is either a massive liar or a sick masochist who deserves to have a bag slipped over their head and be taken away from society. As such it remains one of the most astoundingly honest and ambitious works in modern literature. There is not a book currently existing which is simultaneously as repelling and compelling. Is there a more divisive stirrer of passionate debate in the field of art? Normally a very relaxed, some may say apathetic and pacifistic, individual, I once heard my English teacher saying that Ulysses was nothing but complete garbage. I calmly stood up and punched him in the throat, and I received polite applause as I was escorted from the classroom. Later on, when I reread a section of Ulysses near the middle, I discovered that he was completely right. But you know what? That's life. And that sense of living pours off Joyce's pages and through his eccentric mouldings of the English language like a waterfall. It's almost too much to bear at times. We eat, we drink, we urinate, we defecate, we sneeze, we fart, we stink and we have sex, and after a few decades we die. No hidden wisdom. No great awakening. No grand nobility. No spiritual nirvana. That's LIFE. And the sooner you come to terms with that, the more depressed you'll be. Wonderfully, wonderfully depressed.

Found and published in an act of bizarre serendipity.

Labels: books, Sex

Instead of it.

See the full list here.

Firstly there are only 100 items on the list and secondly many of these activities have resulted in me getting laid so it is not an ideal list for those looking to abstain.

1. Go for a bike ride. (Then have sex)

6. Play hide-and-seek in a cornfield. (Then have sex)

7. Go horseback riding. (Then have sex)

11. Play Twister. (Then have sex)

12. Have a picnic in the middle of winter.

16. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. (Then have sex, the homeless give excellent blowjobs)

18. Take a walk on the beach. (Then have sex)

31. Eat something you have never tried before. (Ha, I've got something for you to eat lady)

36. Go to the park and pretend like you’re 6 years old again. (Then have sex or was that just me when I was 6 with Mr Humphries the paedophile)

41. Visit sick people in the hospital. (People in comas make great lovers)

45. Have a burping contest. (I love to do this instead of sex)

50. Visit an animal shelter. (Then have sex)

68. Go to the mall and get your pictures taken in a little photo booth. (I know what you get up to in photo booths you horny devil)

85. Buy a disposable camera and take funny pictures of each other. (Semi-pornographic if I recall when I was teenager in love)

There were a lot more I could make lewd comments about but I've run out of steam and this all very lame anyway. Please ignore it.

Labels: Sex

Anonymous wrote:
well, lions are insassiable, theyt make sex for days in a row..

I can make sex for days now I have a Hyperdimensional Resonator to travel thorugh time with.

The Hyper Dimensional Resonator is one of the most advanced instruments of it's kind in the entire world. An advanced Psychotronic two dial, one bank unit that has many uses. It is primarily designed as an astral projection/time machine and unlimited white light generator.

Labels: Sex

A recent rambling insane discussion about Yoda and the election in California from the forum at Straight to Hell

L. M. Rosa wrote:
What about Yoda?

That guy sucked in Clones, man... it's time he leaves Hollywood...

SuperNihilist82 wrote:
To be fair, Yoda hasn't been the same since that awful bust-up with Cybill Shepherd. He took to drinking heavily and gained a lot weight, just barely got it off in time for Phantom Menace. I think a part of him died when she left him.

electricinca wrote:
Yes but I think getting locked up for 30 days following the drunken rampage with his light sabre put him on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately there are new rumours coming out of Holllywood of an addiction to midichlorians that he sates by drinking the blood of young jedis.

SuperNihilist82 wrote:
Oh, he's getting help for that. Charlie Sheen and Samuel L Jackson drove him to Promises out in Malibu so he could get cleaned up. And George Lucas told him if he was still on the stuff then he was cutting him out of Episode 3 and replacing him Gollum instead.

L. M. Rosa wrote:
Gollum...

Now there's another one... did you see his performance in the MTV awards, insulting all his co-workers and Peter Jackson, calling poor Donby a cunt and swearing a lot?

SuperNihilist82 wrote:
Yeah, I did -- the snotty bastard. Still, they say he's a consumate professional when he's on the set -- although I hear Liv Tyler had to swat his hand off her ass a few times.

James wrote:
I heard he's planning to run for Governor of California.

L. M. Rosa wrote:
I'm sure he's more popular than Arnie...

... but won't his past of mental disorders affect his plans?

SuperNihilist82 wrote:
Arnold's (recent) past as a sex offender didn't really hurt his gubernatorial bid.

Labels: Sex