Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a news reporter. This will cause the world to swallow nervously, confused by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good wearing the skin of another human?

Stage Two

Next, you must steal the Town's Water Supply. This will all be done from a obsidian citadel, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of evil clowns hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must reveal to the world your armies of destruction, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with dear god no, and no man will ever again dare steal your woman. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to give you control of the planet.

Interested in an evil plan of your own? Get yours here.

The beep has been found at last.

It was quite anticlimatic having read through the 1645 previous posts, I was hoping it was something hidden within the walls. At least reading through them all was a better way to spend a few hours than watching the new series of Big Brother.

I really don't know how bigcb37 could put up with this for almost a year.

This discussion on a Tivo Community Forum is making the rounds on the internet but I thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon also.

This poor guy has been suffering with a mytserious intermittent beep that emanates from somewhere in his house for over a year now. He writes that it is definitely not any of the smoke alarms as he has disconnected and tested them all and that the beep remained even when his neighbourhood suffered a power cut.

As mysterious as the beep is the number of people replying who must have missed those crucial pieces of information in his description of his problem as quite a number are suggesting it must be one of his smoke alarms or suggest that he trip the circuit breakers one by one to track down the source of the beep.

Some people have even offered to go to his house in order to help him track down the beep and eliminate it.

Halo 2 and the Criminal Mind
The story of how a nice family man was corrupted by the video game Halo 2 and turned into a sociopathic clan leader within a single day.

"Watch the language around the boys, dear." She's gesturing to John's two toddlers, now playing on the living room floor. The oldest is opening a recent birthday gift, a plastic playset in a box marked with a cartoon man with a ponytail and a goatee. The words Brett The Communal Farmer are marked in pink above his head, below it says And His Life Partner, Tim! There is not a toy gun or G.I. Joe to be found in the house.

"I'm not gonna censor myself. Dave's doin' an article on the mind of the average gamer and I can't filter my thoughts. And my first unfiltered thought is that Halo 2 be da filthy."

This early exchange with the wife didn't bode well for the future, as we can see in this later episode.

She examines the TV, watching John stride up behind an unsuspecting opponent and blow holes in his back.

"Wait a second," she said. "Why did you kill that guy? Isn't he another human?"

John shook his head in frustration. "He's wearing blue armor."

"So... the guys in blue armor were also born evil?"

"Honey, if you would take a moment to think before you talk, you'd see that the uniform means he's on the other side. It's a game. Like football."

"But... you're blowing their guts out. So, like, in the Halo universe are you saying that it's a normal human pasttime to-"

"-I'm trying to play here! Don't make me get Ghraib on your ass!"

"If you talk to me like that again, I'll never let you touch my..." she trails off into stricken silence. "John, what the hell are you doing?"

What John's wife had just observed was the Halo custom known as "tea bagging." This is a sort of celebration where the victor squats over the vanquished's face to simulate dipping his testicles into the cold, dead, open mouth of the corpse much in the same way one would dip a teabag into a cup of hot water.

The article was written by David Wong and John Cheese.

John Cheese? Wasn't that the former name of John Cleese before he changed his surname?

Labels: Games

She's old enough to be my grandmother but either due to the wonders of plastic surgery and airbrushing, the Fire of Life at the heart of a volcano or maybe the magical properties of a picture in her attic Mamie Van Doren is looking very hot in this photoshoot by Alan Mercer.



As well as starring in a number of movies that you've probably never heard of in the 50s and 60s Mamie Van Doren was the subject of several paintings by D.L. "Rusty" Rust who's most famous for his 'cheesecake'and 'illusions' works.

A FizerPharm Powerpoint presentation edited and reformated as a Flash file that will play in your web browser. [via]

It was the Queen's Speech today in which she outlined what her government would be doing in this parliament.

Tony Blair has pledged to create a "culture of respect" as he put moves to tackle crime and disorder at the heart of his third term agenda.

Public service reform also figured strongly in the Queen's Speech, setting out the government's new programme.

A total of 44 bills and six draft bills are in the 2005 Queen's Speech - ensuring a packed legislative schedule in the parliamentary session that follows the general election.

The 44 bills for Parliament to debate by November 2006 included ID cards and laws against religious hatred.

The Conservatives say Labour has copied much of their agenda. The Lib Dems say Mr Blair has not listened to voters.

BBC News: Queen's Speech at-a-glance or in full.

As outlined in the speech the government has not yet given up on it's planned National ID card scheme.

Controversial plans to introduce a compulsory identity card scheme have been unveiled in the Queen's Speech.

The cards, which had to be dropped ahead of the election, will be linked to a National Identity Register holding information on all UK residents.

Home Secretary Charles Clarke said there had been "technical" changes to the new bill to take account of previous objections to the plans.

The Lib Dems say the plans could be defeated with Tory and Labour support.

I really wonder why they insist on pursuing this ill-conceived plan that will be both costly and inefficient, and will certainly not provide increased national security.

Further reading:
• My analysis of the scheme.
• The text of the Identity Cards Bill
• NO2ID NewsBlog

Labels: ID Cards, Security

An abandoned Ministry of Defence facility that my father used to work at about 25 years ago. They were I believe the computer services department of the MOD and had a computer the size of a house.







The entirety of this set of photos is viewable at Flickr.com.

I watched the great war movie The Dambusters again this weekend as part of Channel 4's 100 Greatest War Films Weekend and was a bit shocked to learn that they had named their dog Nigger and that it was the codeword to be used on the mission for a succesful breach of the Moehne Dam after the dog.

Nigger, a black Labrador Retriever who gave his name as the codename for the Dam Busters mission in World War II. (He was given the name solely because he was black, but it is usually edited out of modern versions of the film about the mission.)This text licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "List of historical dogs".

Such were the innocent times of the 40s when heroic British pilots could name their pets with derogatory terms for other races.

Richard Feynman wrote letters to all kinds of people. Here are some of them.
This is particularly beautiful.

On loss

Arline Feynman died on June 16, 1945. The paper on which this letter was written is well worn, and it appears as though he reread it often.

To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946

D'Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart ... It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector.

Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried.

Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want to stand there.

I'll bet that you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls ... and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead,

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

Five's version of the celebrity reality show format The Farm returned to our screens last night. I always try to avoid watching programmes like this but often I'm drawn in against my will.

Quite by accident whilst flicking through tv channels I caught a part of the first show where they introduced all the 'celebrities' and amongst the usual has-beens and nobodies was a face I never expected to see, Mr. Ron Jeremy, Porn Star.

I've been fascinated by him since I watched the documentary Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, not the best looking guy in porn by a long shot but he seemed like a genuinely nice guy and in many ways a kind of tragic figure as well.

Now a farmhand on this reality show Ron Jeremy met in many ways his pig equivalent.

The Farmhands were then introduced to The Farm’s resident boar, Nick.

"Nick has testicles and so he can be quite unpredictable," Jon said.

"So this guy gets to go with all those girls?" asked a visibly impressed Ron.

"The breeding sows get pregnant by artificial insemination," continued Ryan. "We do this so that we can introduce new blood to the breed," he told the porn star adding, "it’s not pretty, Ron."

Apparently Nick’s purpose on The Farm is mostly to act as a ‘teaser’- titillating the female pigs and getting them in the mood for love.

"He’s got a very strange demeanour this pig," Ryan informed. "He looks gormless. Mind you, you look like that if you have sex a lot," he concluded.

Labels: Sex

Yet more Star Wars shit!

Apparently the US government is pushing through a bill that will introduce a defacto national ID card system on the back of a another bill on military spending. Curiously many US citizens are unaware that it is happening.

FAQ: How Real ID will affect you
By Declan McCullagh
Staff Writer, CNET News.com

What's all the fuss with the Real ID Act about?
President Bush is expected to sign an $82 billion military spending bill soon that will, in part, create electronically readable, federally approved ID cards for Americans. The House of Representatives overwhelmingly approved the package--which includes the Real ID Act--on Thursday.

What does that mean for me?
Starting three years from now, if you live or work in the United States, you'll need a federally approved ID card to travel on an airplane, open a bank account, collect Social Security payments, or take advantage of nearly any government service. Practically speaking, your driver's license likely will have to be reissued to meet federal standards. The Real ID Act hands the Department of Homeland Security the power to set these standards and determine whether state drivers' licenses and other ID cards pass muster. Only ID cards approved by Homeland Security can be accepted "for any official purpose" by the feds.

UnRealID
Papers, Please!

Real ID = National ID Card

This Tuesday, the US Senate is scheduled to vote on the implementation of a national ID card system. The Real ID Act is nothing less than a Real National ID Act. The only thing left to the individual states is to decide which pretty picture they will choose to put on the card: everything else will be controlled by Washington DC bureaucrats.

The Real ID Act has never been debated on the US Senate floor. They've never talked about it in any committee. Heck, most of them haven't even read it! Yet they're planning to vote on it on Tuesday, no questions asked.

For more on the Real ID Act and why it is an ineffective waste of money that will actually introduce security problems rather than solve a security issue take a look at Bruce Schneier's excellent blogpost and read the comments if you have time.

Labels: ID Cards, Security

Yahoo News: Loews Goes Reel Time

By Josh Grossberg Wed May 4, 8:47 PM ET

Hate going to the movies and having a commercial-a-thon break out?

This might be the news you've been waiting for.

Coming soon to a theater near you: actual start times for feature presentations.

In response to gripes from customers about the increasing number of ads, PSAs, promotions and sneak previews running before a film, Loews, the nation's third-largest theater chain, has announced that it will soon start publicizing the real times that movies unspool.

But there's a catch. Beginning next month, Loews will include in its newspaper and Web listings a note alerting customers that "the feature presentation starts 10 to 15 minutes after the posted show time."

I do sympathise with customers who feel we trick them into arriving too early and bombarding them with adverts but it isn't a simple task to actually post the times of the start of the movie.

All the times quoted for films at our cinema are for the start of the full performance including the adverts and trailers because they are of variable length it is never certain quite when the main feature will start so we never post the time for it.

Also just to complicate matters any performance for a movie that is only playing once or twice in a week will probably not have any adverts or trailers as we only have a limited number and it is too much hassle for the projectionist to detach them from another print to play with such a movie.

However as a small cinema that isn't part of a major chain we tend to play far fewer actual adverts and customers generally quite enjoy the trailers for fortcoming features in any case.

Beautiful day today. I woke up, had a bath whilst reading a book, got dressed in black jeans and a red Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy t-shirt and then at 11 am took a leisurely stroll down to the polling booth in the village hall.

As usual there was no one else there apart from the election officials. I don't know if it's due to the time when I vote, usually mid-morning, or if my village is just one of those places with a very low voter turnout.

There were however a few old folks in the vicinity so I guess they had just voted. I gave a smile and a 'good morning' to the grey-haired lady by the door and the gentleman by the desk who gave me my ballot papers. I marked the papers using the pencil provided (it's only just occurred to me the potential for voting fraud that a pencil gives) stuck them in the box then made a hasty exit as a half-dozen more voters arrived.

Now I shall sit back and wait for Michael Ancram to be returned as my Member of Parliament despite my vote for the Liberal Democrat named Hornby.

In many ways I feel I'm residentially disenfranchised (a phrase stolen from historian Simon Schama) in that I live in a constituency where the MP has such a large majority that whichever way I vote has very little effect on the outcome. In addition there is also very little choice in parties to vote for, just the big three and the UKIP so in many ways my vote is for the best of a bad bunch.

Last night I watched the crazy shit that was Dr Tatiana's Sex advice to all creation, the world's first science musical!

What could be more fascinating than copulating Honeybees exploding and kinky Dolphins that have sex with Turtles, not to mention the Sea Hares who form mating chains with each impregnating the creature in front.

Dear Dr Tatiana
I’m a queen bee, and I’m worried. All my lovers leave their genitals inside me and then drop dead. Is this normal?
Perplexed in Cloverhill

For your lovers, this is the way the world ends – with a bang, not a whimper. When a male honeybee reaches his climax, he explodes, his genitals ripped from his body with a loud snap. I can see why you find this unnerving. Why does this happen? Alas, Your Majesty, your lovers explode on purpose. By leaving their genitals inside you, they block you up. In doing so, each male hopes you will not be able to mate with another. In other words, his mutilated member is intended as the honeybee version of a chastity belt.

There's more to come tonight.

The tv show is based upon the book of the same name by Dr Tatiana aka Dr Olivia Judson of Imperial College London.

Labels: Sex