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Using all the money you've saved from not drinking, you bought a cotton candy machine for your wife.

"Can you believe that last year I wasn't able to buy this for you because I was spending so much money on alcohol," you'll say to her.

She'll nod. "You really did waste a lot of money on alcohol," she'll say.

Flop onto the couch and tell her that no matter how hard you try to make amends, she won't cut you any slack. "You make me wonder why I stopped at all!" say.

"I'm sorry," she'll say. "I really love the cotton candy machine. I'm so proud of you."

Say, "Too late!" and start drinking again. Beginning tonight, disappear for four days, leaving her with nothing to warm up to at night but a contraption that spits out edible fur. See how she likes that!